Confessions For A Thursday

So... Since February (when the last parent passed), I've developed a deeper appreciation for what some would consider a "darker"perspective on things...

If you knew me at all, you would know that music has always been a very big part of my life, my person, my very being. From keeping one song on "Repeat" so that I could learn it on a cellular level, to times where I refuse to listen to any music at all, because nothing matches "where I am", or "where I want to go".

As the elder Nevilon Meadows used to say, "Music is an aesthetic phenomena" 

And as such, it does have to ability to alter one's thoughts and disposition.

Perhaps you already know this, perhaps, like me, you have tried to use this information to your advantage by changing the music to either suit or change your current disposition.

I have a very deep appreciation for music and would be willing to chat with you on that subject extensively (consider that an invitation)

I remember the first time I heard "Highway To Hell", and thinking that  AC/DC was, in fact, in the express lanes on said highway.

I also remember sometime later that I actually sat down, and gave a good listen to Megadeath and Metallica. I walked away from that experience with an aversion to one group, and a fan of the other.

Did I mention that I consider myself a musician and a musicologist of sorts?

So... in the past 10 years, I went from LimpBizkit, to Staind, and settled in on Creed in the mid 2000's.

As I started out saying, I've developed a deeper appreciation for what some would consider a "darker" perspective on things. I've mostly kept to the same "family", which for me, means, Creed, Alter Bridge, and Tremonti. For the majority of last 6 months, these bands have comprised the bulk of my rock music listening, I've been very happy with the results.

This afternoon, as I was watching movie trailers on vudu, I saw the trailer for one of my favorite movies The Butterfly Effect. As the video and audio from the movie played on the the screen and speakers, I also heard a song recorded by Staind, that I remembered appreciating.

The thing about all of this music, speaks to me in my present and/or past disposition...

And I like it...

Confessions, Part 2 (What A Fool Believes...)

Confessions...

Melancholy decided to pay me a visit, and I have not, as yet, sent him away.

This has been an interesting year, truth be told, it has been an interesting couple of years...

Both parents passed away within 14 months of each other... I spent the better part of the last year trying to repair damaged relationships... Was shown that people rarely say what they mean, and if they do, perhaps they only mean it for that particular moment.

Of those relationships, the majority abandoned the relationship just when things were getting crucial for me...

Flash of thought- they could not or were not willing to give me what I need, when I needed it. Perhaps they think/feel the same way a toward/about me.

Perhaps that goes for the parents as well...

Not saying that I've ever been the perfect son or significant other.

I have always believed that two individuals who are willing to work together can accomplish more.

Much Thinking Here...

So... I love a woman...
But I don't meet her "requirements"

She deserves the very best.

I can't seem to shake her...
I'm not even talking about emotionally.
When all emotion is removed from the equation, what she gave to me is what, I believe, I need.

When things were "right" between us, she gave me the kind of love, respect, attention, and affection that I need... she gave me more than I needed.

When she thought me to be "out of line" , she gave it to me straight and in no uncertain terms. She reminded me of standards that I had once held dear, but had allowed to fall to the wayside. I needed that, and could accept that from her, when no one else could have reached me (not saying they thought or tried).

She has ceased to do both types of things, has declared her "free" status and has moved on with her life.

I Still Love Her.

You know there are more details to this story, but the bottom line is...
Even when my heart ceases to cry for her, my mind requests her practical presence.

This is my confession.

Be A Touch Stone

Wow...
It's been a minute...
Almost a year to be exact...

So much has gone on in the past year... smh...
I've been like a man 120,000 feet below, without a pressurized suit or a vehicle...
I've loved, and I've lost...
I've acted like I lost my *&$# mind...

I'm on the verge of rebirth...
I may have to chronicle some of the processes here...
I may have to get into some of the gritty details here...
I promise not to name names, but...
I promise that I will give you:

Real Talk. Real People. Real Life.

Omma Hafta Get Real With It.

I am a work in progress (just like you), and I invite you to chime in and give your own perspective on what is presented here.